It must be true... I read it in the tabloids
• A Maryland elementary school principal was forced to resign after she created a “smash space” where teachers could relieve tension by destroying old pieces of furniture with baseball bats. Barbara Liess said she picked up the idea from a news article, which explae teachers’ smash space: “It’s a better thing to do than to take frustrations out on my kid.”
• A Buenos Aires man has spent more than $35,000 on plastic surgery so that he can become a real-life elf. Luis Padron, 25, fell in love with fantasy novels like Lord of the Rings as a teenager and has since undergone numerous procedures to make himself resemble a mystical creature, including jaw liposuction, a nose job, and operations to change his eye color from brown to blue. Next he plans to have his ears cut to be pointy like an elf’s. “I consider myself trans-species,” says Padron.
• A Colombian woman ate her $9,000 life savings to prevent her unfaithful husband from getting his hands on it. Sandra Milena Almeida, 30, had stashed the money away, but when her spouse found the hiding place and demanded half, she began devouring $100 bills. After suffering intestinal pains, she rushed to the hospital, where surgeons extracted $5,700 from her stomach. Those notes were “in good condition,” said surgeon Juan Paolo Serrano, but the rest of her savings were ruined by “gastric fluids.” ■