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December 9, 2018

The House Judiciary and Oversight Committees on Saturday evening released a transcript of former FBI Director James Comey's lengthy testimony from the day before — and President Trump, naturally, denied it all early Sunday:

Trump has long made Comey, whom he fired last year, a target of his ire. Read Comey's full testimony here. Bonnie Kristian

7:06 a.m.

A new excerpt from former White House communications staffer Cliff Sims' new memoir emerged in Vanity Fair, and this one focused on a very special member of President Trump's Team of Vipers: Kellyanne Conway. Sims doesn't appear to be a fan:

As I watched Kellyanne in operation over our time in the White House, my view of her sharpened. It became hard to look long at her without getting the sense that she was a cartoon villain brought to life. Her agenda — which was her survival over all others, including the president — became more and more transparent. [Cliff Sims, via Vanity Fair]

In the White House, "Kellyanne managed to land a job with no fixed responsibilities" and a huge office, where she could "just dabble in areas that piqued her interest," Sims writes. And one of those interests was leaking, a fact he learned firsthand while drafting a response on her MacBook to Morning Joe calling her out for being two-faced about Trump:

Kellyanne was sitting at her desk texting away. And since her iMes­sage account was tied to both her phone and her laptop, which she must not have even considered, I could inadvertently see every conversation she was having. Over the course of 20 minutes or so, she was having simultaneous conversations with no fewer than a half­-dozen reporters, most of them from outlets the White House frequently trashed for publishing "fake news." [Sims, Vanity Fair]

Conway "bashed" Kushner, Steve Bannon, and Reince Priebus by name and also recounted private conversations with Trump, "talking about him like a child she had to set straight," Sims said. "I was sitting there, watching this, totally bewildered. I was supposed to be writing a statement, defending her against accusations that she had done almost exactly what I was watch­ing her do that very moment." Read more about his impressions of Conway and Trump at Vanity Fair. Peter Weber

5:51 a.m.

On Wednesday's Tonight Show, Jimmy Fallon poked fun at Trump's manipulated social media photos and State of the Union flop, and he came up with some follow-up tweets to Trump's "Build a Wall & Crime Will Fall" tweet, including "Not paying TSA agents may be controversial / But what do I care? I don't fly commercial." And "get this, Trump's former lawyer Michael Cohen is delaying his testimony in Congress because he says he's been threatened by Trump, which could actually be witness tampering," Fallon said. "So now Trump's being investigated for collusion, obstruction, and witness tampering — or as Robert Mueller put it, 'I got Bingo.'"

Right, "just in case things aren't thuggish enough" with the shutdown, Jimmy Kimmel said on Kimmel Live, "the president made a rambling phone call to Fox News during which he somewhat ominously suggested that someone should investigate Michael Cohen's father-in-law, and then he did another interview with Fox News and made insinuations about Michael Cohen's wife. ... Remind me, which Godfather are we on now?"

"While Donald Corleone is settling scores, you have the vice president of the United States staying on top of international affairs," with bad Spanish aimed at Venezuelans, and yet another White House tell-all by a disaffected former Trump aide, Kimmel said, annoyed. "He's always been bad at everything," he vented. "The world's lamest Pizza Hut spokesman is running the United States, of course things are bad."

"Trump has been claiming in interviews that Cohen's father-in-law did something illegal, although he doesn't seem to know many details," Seth Meyers noted at Late Night. "You just said he committed a crime but you don't know his name? Is he Zorro?" Cohen is at the center of a contested BuzzFeed story reporting that Trump ordered Cohen to lie to Congress. "Here's the thing about the BuzzFeed story," Meyers said. "We're in this weird place right now where we keep waiting for another smoking gun when what we already know is incredibly damning." Watch him explain below. Peter Weber

3:46 a.m.

Samantha Bee kicked off Wednesday's Full Frontal with a nod to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi shutting down President Trump's State of the Union speech until the government is re-opened. "Dude, I know it's driving you crazy that a woman turned you down, but this is the point in your life where you're actually going to have to learn that no means no," she said.

Bee spent most of her opening act on the government shutdown, its dire consequences, and the leading role of Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.). "Senate Republicans don't give a s--t about the wall, they're only keeping the government shut because that's what the president wants — it's the same reason they changed our national bird to the chicken nugget," she joked. "Look, we know that governing involves compromise, but how can Democrats possibly compromise with the least-trustworthy man in history?" She elaborately compared giving Trump wall money to investing in the Fyre Festival.

"The 2020 election is already in full swing, and the future is looking female," Bee said in her second act. "There are several exciting women running for president, and also Tulsi Gabbard," and "now that there are so many ladies running, maybe we can stop talking about the tone or volume of their voice, their outfits, or their marriages, and instead judge them based on their ideas and experience — I'm just joking," she said, laughing darkly. "No, it's going to be a total nightmare."

Bee gave some examples of how the media is already focusing on the wrong things with women candidates. Meanwhile, the Democratic "men don't have to worry about this crap — I mean, Jesus, they barely need to worry about being Democrats," she said. "We are not off to a good start. When we frame women candidates like this right off the bat, it becomes impossible to actually discuss them with nuance down the line." There's NSFW language throughout. Peter Weber

2:27 a.m.

In August, Sen. Joni Ernst (R-Iowa) and husband Gail Ernst filed for divorce, and on Monday, the Des Moines alternative newspaper Cityview published details from an affidavit Joni Ernst filed in October. A judge sealed most of the divorce documents Tuesday, at Ernst's request. In the affidavit, Ernst said her ex-husband had been physically abusive, and she elaborated in an interview with Bloomberg News published Wednesday night. Ernst also disclosed that she was raped in college by a "physically and sexually abusive" man she was in a relationship with. "At times as she described her past, Ernst cried so hard that she was barely intelligible," Bloomberg reports.

"I didn't want to share it with anybody, and in the era of hashtag-MeToo survivors, I always believed that every person is different and they will confront their demons when they're ready," Ernst told Bloomberg's Jennifer Jacobs on Tuesday night. "And I was not ready." Ernst, the No. 4 Senate Republican, dismissed the idea that her support for President Trump should be tied to her personal experiences. "It's outrageous to suggest that anyone who has been the victim of sexual assault should therefore be a Hillary Clinton supporter," she said.

Ernst, 48, also told Bloomberg she didn't technically turn down Trump's invitation to be his running mate, as her affidavit attests. After meeting with Trump about joining the ticket, "I told him I needed to think about it," she said, and later withdrew from consideration. She also said Gail, 65, only physically abused her that one time, in 2007 or 2008, but it was "very sudden and very violent." He "grabbed me by the throat with his hands and threw me on the landing floor," Ernst said. "And then he pounded my head ... on the landing." After counseling, "he said that it would never happen again and blah-blah-blah. And it didn't," she said. "But there was always that underlying threat." Read more at Bloomberg News. Peter Weber

1:39 a.m.

Looking for a quick way to lower your blood pressure? Researchers suggest you close your eyes, and think of someone you love.

A new study in the journal Psychophysiology found that when people in committed relationships were put in a potentially uncomfortable situation, when they thought about their partner, their blood pressure didn't spike the way it did with people who were told to think about how they spent their day.

Researchers studied 120 undergraduate students, showing them videos of adorable animals for one minute in order to drop their blood pressure and heart rate. They were then split into three groups: All of them had to put their feet in ice water for four minutes, but in group one, their partners were present; in group two, they were told to think about their partner; and in group three, they were told to reflect on their day. Researchers found that the blood pressure of participants in the first two groups didn't spike as high as the people who were told to think about their day, Psychology Today reports. The participants whose partners were in the room also said they were in less physical pain from the cold water. Catherine Garcia

1:17 a.m.

His 11-day stint as White House communications director is no longer the shortest entry on Anthony Scaramucci's résumé.

Scaramucci managed to do what many thought was impossible: leave the Celebrity Big Brother house faster than he did the White House. He only lasted six days on the show, TMZ reports, exiting on Monday despite appearing on Tuesday night's episode. He re-emerged in Switzerland on Wednesday, and said because he signed a confidentiality agreement, he couldn't reveal the circumstances behind his leaving. "You'll have to tune in on Friday to understand what happened," he said. Scaramucci did say that he had fun on the show, and it reminded him of his blue collar roots.

So, how will Scaramucci beat this 6-day record at his next job? Will he just walk in, do a lap around the office, then walk back out? Resign at the same time he accepts the offer? If anyone can do it, it's the Mooch. Catherine Garcia

1:10 a.m.

Stephen Colbert taped Wednesday's Late Show in the midst of a fight between President Trump and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) over this year's State of the Union speech. "The situation is chaotic and bitter and confusing — which is actually the state of our union," he said. He ran through Wednesday's standoff, but the bottom line is that Trump had no leverage here. He can't enter the House "unless they invite him in — Congress works on vampire rules," Colbert said. "It's appropriate, because this is sucking the blood out of this country."

So Pelosi "spanked him with a coequal branch" and said no, and Trump hit back by debuting a new nickname for Pelosi, Colbert said, bemused: "Your nickname for Nancy Pelosi is 'Nancy'?" Still up until he caved, it seemed "pretty obvious Trump's going to do something," since the White House had already prepared two versions of the speech, one to deliver in the House chamber and the other somewhere else in the country. "Yeah, but it has to be a location befitting this president's dignity," Colbert said. "So maybe a ball pit at McDonald's or a sand trap or — oh, I know — Red Square." There was also speculation Trump would deliver his speech at a rally, an idea The Late Show turned into a brief commercial.

Trump's poll numbers are "crumbling," Colbert noted, "they're just tanking right now, and he's got his back up against the lack of wall, so this morning, Trump unveiled his plan to win everybody back: a rhyming couplet." He found the last part of the tweet less than inspiring — "You wouldn't buy condoms if their tag line was 'Trojan: Use it and Pray!'" — but he turned the main "Build a Wall & Crime Will Fall" couplet into an entire poem. It's surprisingly poignant. Watch below. Peter Weber

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