At an official White House speech on immigration Thursday evening, President Trump started by saying that under his leadership, America has been a welcoming country. "Good plan, Mr. President, warm up the crowd with a joke," Stephen Colbert said on Thursday's Late Show.
"Trump also unveiled a strange new gun policy," Colbert said, where a rock will be treated as a firearm. "Yes, a firearm. What do you think AR-15 stands for? A Rock-15." But Trump wasn't done with his "rocks-are-guns theory," he said, calling a rock just like a rifle. "So, for the record, paper no longer beats rock," Colbert joked. "And Trump is encouraging shooting unarmed immigrants to appeal to the ladies," saying women really do not want immigrants in the country. "Believe me," Colbert said in his Trump voice, "because I am the embodiment of what women do not want."
And "Trump believes the GOP is gonna do well because he appeals to Christians," Colbert said, playing a clip and cracking a joke about Jesus (Spanish pronunciations) and his "caravan of 12 strong young men. And I hear there's a lot of Middle Easterners mixed in there."
"Last night, Trump held a rally in Florida where he attacked immigrants, Democrats, and the media," Jimmy Fallon said on The Tonight Show. "Even the biggest Trump supporters in the crowd were like 'Play some new stuff!'" He cleverly turned Trump's nonstop campaigning into a Johnny Cash song, and came up with closing arguments for Senate candidates, like Florida's Rick Scott (R): "Vote for me so I will finally be able to STOP HARRY POTTER."
Late Night's Seth Meyers was less genial. "Trump's racist fearmongering over immigration is the latest scam from a guy who's been scamming people his entire life, and he's right at home in the modern GOP," he said. "They're robbing you, and they're trying to distract you while they do it." Watch below. Peter Weber